life's a funny thing. in all that's happening i feel at once a strong desire to truly live my life while i'm alive as well as a reflex to withdraw from it and hide. feeling shaken, guilty, lost, alone, abandoned, and scared, all while trying to remain positive about the future and secretly harboring a great fear of failing.
it makes me think of that quote from some movie trailer we both saw and liked (i think it was transformers or something): "fate seldom calls on us at a moment of our choosing." i feel like with all this burden i bear, it is up to me and me alone to stand up under it. to step forward despite my fear. maybe this is growing up? maybe these are my defining moments. where i choose what kind of man i want to be and what kind of life i want to live.
but man! it's hard! i keep looking around for someone to be there to help me, but find no one. and maybe that's the point. maybe that's when you become a man, when no one is there to help you and you're forced to find a way to do it on your own power - to find out what you're truly capable of. maybe this is my modern rite of passage into manhood. this is me hunting a bear alone with nothing but my hands.
i feel that i lack courage. and yet i know that courage is innate. it doesn't come from anywhere but inside me. so the moments i doubt myself, doubt my courage, are the very moments that courage is born.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I look up to you in at least 7 ways. If it matters, I see your courage these days in all that you're accomplishing! I love you
Beautifully expressed and well written post.
Nice blog and thank you so much for share your good piece of content with us.I like it.
We are all truly alone. Everyone has to use their inner strength or be lost in a terrifying, agonizing mind.
Post a Comment