Thursday, November 15, 2012

i found

i found myself skitting around between the living room, dining room and hallways chasing all the children i had produced. they were running in, around, out, and back in again. they would not stop running. i yelled, i grabbed, i spoke softly, i tried offering them treats. they continued sprinting. stress began to find a place in my person. tensing muscles, tightening chest, panicky mind.

Monday, November 12, 2012

we shared a...face

sometimes i want to loudly take credit for everything i can take credit for. just shout it out in people's faces. "you're welcome!" i just envision myself running around to all these people - "you know that "thing" you value so much? yeah, you're welcome." and then to another person, "hey you like that extra point on the quiz? you're welcome." 
nobody is saying thank you to me though. so then i'd come off as an angry little man with a mustache who feels taken for granted.


once in high school an off campus student spoke up in class about how much they needed home leave to come. i almost lost it. they thought they needed home leave?? "they go home every f-ing day!" i thought. if it weren't for us dorm students, living in prison every day of our lives, they wouldn't even have five day weekend every month or whatever it was. but no one was thanking me for putting the time in.

...
wow. maybe i am an angry little man with a mustache...

Friday, November 2, 2012

full heart (large and full)

is there nothing a full heart will not do for the ones that fill it?
i received a photo this morning of my precious niece that filled my heart so full i had to shut my eyes to hold in all the love i felt. still some of it leaked out through my eyelids, but it was just some of the overflow. my full heart swelled to fill my whole core and then my whole person and i swear to you, in that moment i would have LAID DOWN MY LIFE for her!
i felt whole.
THIS is it. this is what i live for. it's why i wake up in the morning.
i wonder if this is how jesus constantly lived his life - so filled up with love he could scarcely keep it in.
i want to cultivate this way of living life. i want to plant my tree next to this river and live.

let my heart be deeply moved and let not my doubts and fears inhibit me.

"lord, put love in my heart,
and stop short of ripping apart."
       -   aaron roche