odds

"I look up at the stars,

the antique stars that

burn with an old yellow shine

that i once saw when i was a child"

the sun shines and the rain falls

the bible says that the sun rises on the good and the evil and rain falls on the just and the unjust. i've always taken that to mean that just as the weather is arbitrary as to who it affects, so are the events of life, good and bad. i guess that's true...

but seriously, what the hell? today we received the news that a student missionary was murdered on the island of yap, and while this doesn't directly affect me, it still makes me very angry. i mean, are you kidding me? how is this ok? a sm!!! if we send out a sm somewhere, we expect them to come back. that seems pretty simple to me. stupid, disturbing #@$#* happens like this around the world every day, and i remain calm and indifferent. innocent children are murdered randomly, young girls are violently raped, and human beings are sold as sex toys as though they aren't people at all. i simply turn my head thinking 'there's no use crying over spilt milk' and 'bad stuff happens, that's the world we live in'.

yes, people die. and most of them have family members and friends that feel ripped off. but man, this just doesn't seem fair. how can this happen? that girl was supposed to come back! she was supposed to go for a year, struggle, overcome, and perhaps even make some kind of impact! she was supposed to come back and share her experience with her friends and family. she was supposed to finish school. this does not seem fair!

but i guess when it comes down to it, that's exactly what it is. the sun shines and the rain falls.

5:18 pm

i'm listening to radiohead. i like radiohead. seriously.

(5:23)

i'm not studying now. although i should be. what's stopping me from studying? i don't know. radiohead, maybe.

why am i typing in this thing? (5:27) it's not like i really want to do this or anything. i've got nothing to say of any value. except that rubber for flooring is a bad idea.

what if a person could be blind to beauty? just like a person can be color blind or just straight up blind. that would suck too, man! shoot.

everything would be the same looking. just bleh. huge vistas from the tops of mountains... eh. flowers. boring. girls? man what a waste.

(5:45)

cliche

it's a long way from miami to l.a.

it's a longer way from yesterday,

to where i am today.

i like the idea that i'm always growing a changing. flowing. learning. i don't know.

i'm trying to get back into writing in this here web log.

i don't know what to write about. not that i don't have thoughts that are worth writing down. it's just that my thoughts seem to get all muddied up in the path from my mind to my fingers. it's like a jungle... a muddy one. my thoughts are like, "hey, i'm gonna make a trek down to through the neck and shoulders down the arms (and i'll have to be careful around those scary elbows) and to the fingers where i'll display myself on a page." then by the time they reach my shoulders they're already 3/4 of the way through their supply of band-aids and ace bandage, and my arms are the worst part. it's like a beginner on a triple black diamond run in the andes somewhere. it's kind of like an out of control tumble down my arms to my fingers where my fingers are like, "you really want this on the page? ok fine." and then this is what you get.

you know what's confusing though? why it's an even messier trip from my mind to my mouth. that doesn't make any sense, but that's the way it is.