JT

i recently posted an album on facebook called "2013"
i posted nearly 90 pictures of only about half of the year. when i think back on this time last year and the time that has passed between then and now. it makes me feel happy.
2013 was a great year.
i know it's not over yet, but 2013 came with its share of superstition with the number 13 (okay, so it was no "y2k," but still).
and yet when i look back on it, i smile.

things i've grown unflinchingly confident in so far this year:
-there is no better mirror than another person
-love is indeed a divine, supernatural thing
-i want that divine love to fill my heart all the way up
-"the only thing that matters is just following your heart"
-sometimes life is easier said than done, but it can be done
-i'm not who i want to be, but i'm headed there
-my spirit is strong
-what i want to be when i grow up: happy

so, thank you for 2013.
i can hardly wait to see what 2014 has in store for me.
but let's have christmas first!

i'm just me

i'm the guy that's going to tell you what i think you need to hear
even if it's not my place.
i'm the guy that sees through fake
i believe in truth.
i value honesty.
i believe in truth, even when it's uncomfortable
i value honesty, even when it hurts
i suck at timing.
i'll be the one pleading for rationality
but i'll still choose irrationally.
i'm the guy who will say what i think (rational & irrational alike)
no matter who's feelings are at stake.

and i'm sorry. sorry if i've caused hurt.
i've got these strengths that become weaknesses.

but i can't apologize for being who i am.
i'm learning to let me be me without apologizing.
i'm just still learning how to let you be you without apology.

gatsby

sometimes i actually pause for a significant time and look back on different times in my life. it's nice when my mind stumbles upon a pleasant time (or at least the pleasant parts of a particular time) and i can't help but smile and marvel and the person i was. sometimes the past seems so far away from the present. like almost as if the past lies, in some backwards way, ahead of where i am now. like that particular version of jacob is more advanced than this one.

what i'm saying is that sometimes it feels like i've lost my way. how did i get on this particular path? what happened to that jacob back there?

but the beautiful truth is that life inherently moves forward. new life comes with every breath. and we can't go back even if we try with everything in us.

i like to think that ultimately it doesn't matter how i got on this path - doesn't matter if, indeed, i lost my way off a certain path on which i was once journeying. what matters is where i go from here. who will i choose to be today? what will i place value on right now?

and in the end, it's all the same path - winding like a river to the ocean.

hold on

and no matter where we run,
and no matter what we do,
you hold on to me,
and i'll hold on to you.