Wednesday, June 25, 2008

worn (out?)


worn: adj. - 1. diminished in value or usefulness through wear, use, handling, etc. 2. wearied; exhausted.

i am worn.

from swimming just to stay afloat.

running hard to end up where i was.

from fighting this losing battle.

worn from fighting to be something i'm not.

i am worn. yes. worn out? not yet.

"the sun was rising as jacob left peniel, and he was limping because of the injury to his hip."
Genesis 32:31

"there's still fire in you yet, yeah, there's still fire in you."

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

summer!

summer has come, bringing with it glorious longer days, cool comfortable 9:00pm evenings, holidays and time off, and of course tasks beyond my capabilities designed to stretch and bend me.

yes, TBA is here! clearly the best part of my whole year. the only thing between me and complete joy in anticipation is this class i'm supposed to teach. to put it plainly, i am not capable of teaching this class on my own. the subject is "strange stories of the bible". the objective, a very good one, is basically to teach the kids that they can open the bible to any section, no matter how random or obscure, and have it be alive to them! cool! the only problem is this subject and objective challenges me. i would like to take a class on this, not teach it. on top of that i have about 4 days to prepare for five "class periods".

overwhelmed? yep. and what's worse, when i feel overwhelmed, my motivation goes out the window and down three stories, then three miles down the road to a gun shop where it purchases a gun (using my money) and shoots itself in the proverbial head.

on the positive side, (1)this class will be over in about three weeks, and (2)this will be a good opportunity for me to learn and grow.

at the same time i'm trying to get to the point where i can go to walla walla university in the fall and i am slapped in the face by the seemingly endless "things to do" in order for this to happen.

AND, i'm planning to go backpacking with my brother for SEVENTEEN days in july and august! 17 days!!!!!! i'm super excited. but, of course, there is lots of stuff to organize for that. more learning and growing opportunities.

i'm learning that life is just one learning and growing opportunity after another...

bring it on!!!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

when you realize you're not who you thought

"then i realized that my heart was bitter,
and i was all torn up inside.
i was so foolish and ignorant,
i must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
yet, i still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
you guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny!"

"whom have i in heaven but you?
i desire you more than anything on earth.
my health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but god remains the strength of my heart.
he is mine forever!"

"asaph"
psalm 73:21-26