Tuesday, February 15, 2011

fantasy

i often fantasize that i'll write something that people will read 50 years after i die
i have a dream where i'm laying curled up on the blank floor in a barren room with one big window (or was it no window at all?) crying out loud in admission "i'm terrified of being all alone," then someone opens a door and i dry up my eyes and walk out into a crowded space full of unfamiliar faces. and i feel alone.
i dream that one day i'll be fully healthy and happy. but sometimes i wonder if health isn't more of a process for me than it is state of being. then again maybe there's less of a difference than i think.
who am i? really. is it my dreams and fantasies that define who i am? is it my traits and behaviors? is it my name? is it my ancestry? does who i am have anything to do with who i have the potential to be?
i am dark and i am light. i am good and i am bad. i am black and i am white. i am happy and i am sad.