Monday, December 31, 2012

i prefer private bathrooms

i prefer bathrooms in which i can close the door and even lock it and know that nobody is coming in after me. i like to stand a comfortable distance from the urinal for once. i like to not bother with buttons and belts and zippers and just pull my pants fully down to mid-thigh and take aim. sometimes i like to actually sing a little.

Friday, December 14, 2012

people like us. human like me

my ears receive information and it's processed.
tragedy breaks. on the other side of my computer screen somewhere.
then it hits me. they're people like us. human like me.
suddenly my heart feels heavy in my chest. my eyes feel hot and my stomach tightens.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

winter storm warning

the rain rolls down the gutters and street rims. i couldn't stop it if i tried.
it would build up behind my tired eyes until it spilled around the edges.
what can i do but watch it glide effortlessly by.
feel it swish and swirl around my irregular eddies.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

i'm not the only one

sometimes i wake up from a nightmare and consciously realize i was only dreaming. i usually feel relieved.
sometimes i wake up from a really good dream only to realize it was only a dream. then i think, "well, shucks."

today i woke up from a nightmare... and realized it wasn't just a dream.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

wordsmith

i'd like a block of cheese.
and a 12 ounce cup of cream

what are apologies even worth? only words, they can't change what's been done. words can cause wounds, but can they heal them? some people believe words can change the world - words have transformational power, they claim. under other circumstances words can be empty and meaningless. what's really going on here? why can't words just make everything better. i'm better with words than i am with life.

"if i had a magic wand of my own...
i would wave it over me and over you
and over all this crazy world
and make it right."

"oh, there's so much i'd change
if i could take the easy way."

in my weaker moments i want the easy way. but i guess the easy way leaves me empty and lonely. some things take time and process. it's difficult to respect the process. i don't want to study hard in these boring classes. i want to jump right to being a good physical therapist. i don't want to put in the time. i want to get right to the end goal.

i struggle against this perspective. what if life doesn't exist at the end of the road at some point of arrival? what if life is here and now, in the process? what if life is the process (the process is life)?

for now words will be what they will be. empty or meaningful. and i will continue not understanding. the need for apologies will continue to rise from me. and i will continue not understanding.

thank god i don't have a magic wand. life would be so void of struggle. and struggle refines/defines/shapes me.

i would like a sliver of cheese.
and 3/4 of an ounce of cream

Sunday, December 2, 2012

math

there are certain laws in life. they're clear. they're reliable.
1+3=4
F=mA


tomorrow when i wake up these laws will still be truths. just as much as they were when i laid my head down to sleep.
this is true, and i can count on this.
yes. i can.