wordsmith

i'd like a block of cheese.
and a 12 ounce cup of cream

what are apologies even worth? only words, they can't change what's been done. words can cause wounds, but can they heal them? some people believe words can change the world - words have transformational power, they claim. under other circumstances words can be empty and meaningless. what's really going on here? why can't words just make everything better. i'm better with words than i am with life.

"if i had a magic wand of my own...
i would wave it over me and over you
and over all this crazy world
and make it right."

"oh, there's so much i'd change
if i could take the easy way."

in my weaker moments i want the easy way. but i guess the easy way leaves me empty and lonely. some things take time and process. it's difficult to respect the process. i don't want to study hard in these boring classes. i want to jump right to being a good physical therapist. i don't want to put in the time. i want to get right to the end goal.

i struggle against this perspective. what if life doesn't exist at the end of the road at some point of arrival? what if life is here and now, in the process? what if life is the process (the process is life)?

for now words will be what they will be. empty or meaningful. and i will continue not understanding. the need for apologies will continue to rise from me. and i will continue not understanding.

thank god i don't have a magic wand. life would be so void of struggle. and struggle refines/defines/shapes me.

i would like a sliver of cheese.
and 3/4 of an ounce of cream