one more thing

i'm trying not to blame you - to judge you
after all i basically dared you to do it day after day
the only thing i know about you is that you stole my bike.
why? WHY?!
you came into my yard. walked all the way right up to the front door of the house and walked away with my bike.
do you even realize how far that bike has come. do you realize what that bike means to me?
i put a lot of time and energy into building that bike into exactly what it is and i had more plans for it for the future.

i'm trying not to feel this way, but if i see you, i will fight you.

watch the sun as it comes up

it's so easy to enjoy this present moment when it is so pleasant. kind of like loving your friends, or the ones that love you... someone once said, "love even your enemies" and i say, embrace the beauty of this moment even when it's overwhelmingly ugly.

easier said than done, but worth the struggle in the end.

Two things...

Something I hope I never understand is people who steal other people's things. Like directly from another person. I mean I've stolen a spoon or two from many an unsuspecting over-priced restaurant, and I hate to admit I recently stole from stater bros. but I don't think I could understand taking something that belongs to someone else - something they bought with money they earned or somethin they were given by someone who loves them - as if it were theirs for the taking or something. As if the other person deserved to be stolen from for trusting the people around him to be decent people... I don't know. Maybe I'm being a little hypocritical, but to the person who stole my iPod:

 "I hope you enjoy those headphones! I overdrew my bank account to buy those ten dollar things. I hope you appreciate that orange color as much as me. I hope orange is your favorite color and every time you use that iPod you think about how much you like it. I hope you get angry at yourself when you drop it from your jacket pocket and put a new scratch in its pretty side, as you rub your thumb over the jagged spot wishing your rubbing could correct the gash. I hope you carefully wrap the headphones around it after each use being cautious not to pull on the cable where it plugs in. I hope you occasionally wipe all the smudges and fingerprints off of it just to admire it sitting on your bedspread before a jog. I hope you spend hours picking only the best of your favorite music to fill it with and just a little new music for when you're feeling like something new. I hope you love it... And then I hope someone STEALS IT FROM YOU, you slimy sticky-fingered son-of-a-bitch!!"

 No, I don't wish that on anyone. Ever again... i guess. I wish we could live in a world where no one possessed anything. That way nothing could be stolen - just shared. Anyway, my silverware pilfering days are over. But just so we're clear here, I write my own rules, thank you very much. And I cherish that fluid process.


 Secondly, I think I would like to take a trip somewhere more desolate real soon. Preferably the mountains. My soul has been hungering for some nourishment and my iPhone just isn't cutting it. I need a tangible reminder that all this stuff isn't necessary. All the possessions and grievances and annoyances. I don't need them, so why do I cling to them? Maybe it's because I forget that I don't need them. I get too possessive - too territorial. We're all in this together in one way or another. I would like to only be helpful to the people I come in contact with - Leave my baggage behind. I want to forgive and be forgiven. To love and be loved. I don't need a parking spot to accomplish that.

 Sincerely,

 Jacob

drrkinh s gtinh got yhr rnf og yhr eotlf

i found this the other day on craigslist and i love it:

"I am a Paul Simon fan in my mid thirties. As my name is Al, for the past 20 years I've been searching for a friend named Betty with whom I could sing the Paul Simon song "You Can Call Me Al." Imagine how much fun we could have singing along with the lyrics and pointing at each other when our names are mentioned! We could sing it together on road trips with the windows down, at home with our stereos cracked loud, we can smile at each other knowingly when it's played in gas stations and grocery stores and text each other when we're apart and it comes on the radio. I'm especially looking forward to acting out our own version of the classic Paul Simon Chevy Chase music video. We can post it on Youtube!" 

"... If you want we could maybe sing other Paul Simon songs at some point but I'd really rather we stick with our namesakes You Can Call Me Al. Of course I want proof your name is really Betty so when we meet I'll need to see a state issued photo ID with that name. I'll also accept Elizabeth, Roberta or Beatrix." 

"Please write back soon I can't wait to hang out 
Sincerely 
-Your long lost pal!!!" 

moment of clarity

may all beings be well
may all beings be happy
may all beings be at peace

may all beings be free

one more time

if you ask me one more time if i'm "ok to present,"
i'm going to slap you in the face - i swear
i don't know who you guys think i am
i don't know what you assume i'm doing here in million-dollar PT school
if you think i'm completely incompetent
if you think i don't care about anything
you're wrong
and
you're annoying

sometimes

sometimes i get tired of trying so hard to be clever.
meticulously organizing my words on the page like a lit.. oh whatever.
who really cares anyway.
it's like i have this idea of the kind of person people tend to like.
and i want people to like me too... wah wah wah.

sometimes i just want to tell people,
"oh, that's how it's going to be? then you can go **** yourself."

but i don't say that out loud.
instead i choose not to act on those feelings.
i recognize they're just feelings.
feelings probably based on preconceived ideas of my own invention.
and that, my therapist claims, is what matters the most.

and by "my therapist" i mean albus dumbledore.
or something like that.

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."