we are pushed to the very edge of meaning,
only to turn away in fear.

we deceive ourselves only.
no one else is paying attention.

finalism

compare and contrast facebook status updates with personal blog posts. are there similarities? is there any difference?

this is what i do instead of homework when lots of homework is due

back in may i wrote a blog in which i claimed to more or less be god's gift to humanity.

i can't totally remember, but i think i was joking.

however, if i were to revisit that concept here in november, i wouldn't be joking.

this

i haven't felt this in a long time. it's weird, but somehow, i miss it.

"this" too

blag

do i value people more than right and wrong?

also

the wind blew and knocked all the leaves that were headed, eventually, for the ground, off the trees last night. accomplishing weeks of progress in a single night.

a-holes

"the more men have to lose, the less willing are they to venture" - thomas paine

i've been the victim of two sad (in more ways than one) events.

first: the front wheel was stolen from my unlocked bike sitting in the front yard of my house while i was inside with the front door open. a couple kids stole my wheel... just the wheel. it took me months to get over that. "it's just a thing, just material," i told myself. "but still" i argued, "what kind of idiots..."

second: someone tried to steal my bike which was locked to itself off my front porch. they ditched it in a nearby parking lot once they destroyed the five dollar lock from walmart and seriously compromised two of the spokes and one of the ball bearings on the front hub. "it's just a thing," i reminded myself once again. "but still," i argued, "what kind of an idiot..."

my mother would say, "jacob, when will you learn your lesson? you leave your bicycles laying around unlocked, you never lock your front door and even sometimes leave it hanging wide open for a full day when you're gone the whole time, you leave your car unlocked with the keys in the ignition and the windows down! you have to lock your things up!"

but i think the only lesson i'm learning in all this crap is... i have too many valuable things. i have too much to lose. too much to protect. too much to be paranoid about. too much to mistrust humanity with.

small town

riverside knows it's small. it likes it that way.