spring quarter

here i am. spring quarter is two weeks underway promising to be the best quarter of the year. i've noticed everyone seems to be generally in a good mood (most people..), and little flirty interactions are occurring on the left and the right.

i'm pretty excited. more often than not the sun wakes me up in the morning. this is a good thing provided i went to bed before midnight or so.

spring, here i come!

mind grenade

here's something that blows my mind.

there are actually, in existence, things in space so massive and with such gravitational force that the dimensions are nothing!

yep, that's right! an object so heavier than you can imagine that is so small it's not there.

i had to think about that for a minute or two.

if our planet, with everything on it was anywhere near this object, it would get sucked into this massive nothingness and condense everything we know and see into itself... a black hole.

in transit

the longer the travel the more rewarding the arrival...

this makes sense right?

if this is true, then that's the reason why i'm so freaking glad to be in pismo beach finally.

i left my house in walla walla on thursday at around two-thirty p.m. and i just arrived at my destination (the beautiful yeos') about two hours ago at twelve-ish on saturday night. 

fortunately i saw some pretty cool stuff along the way. i.e. my brother, amy naus, bobby koorenny.

anyway, i'm finally here and it feels really incredible on many levels.

p.s. this is gonna be great.

a mind

i sometimes tire of the surface level of me. it gets boring and old. the problem is that the surface side is the most positive side sometimes. underneath....

underneath there lies a deep dark boiling something (the words deep and dark don't exactly describe this but they're the best i could come up with). it scares me sometimes, and i feel like i can only keep it down for so long. sometimes it sneaks to the surface where i quickly bury it and throw some silliness on the surface. i'm confused by the way it feels sometimes. feels like anxiety sometimes. that tightening of the chest and the panicky feeling deep down. it feels like passion other times. what's the difference?

i'll call it my soul. it's searching for expression and i won't allow it. i'm afraid of it. i wish i knew a way to express it. to let it go. unbridle it. how?

at times i have opportunity, it's not ready, it won't. 

i'm out of sync with my soul. 

mlk day = segregation day

here's a little glimpse into the "bigotry" of my life:

martin luther king jr. was certainly a good man (that's what i'm told). this being said, i have a problem with the celebration of his birthday.

there was a chapel today dedicated to the man and his work and also what he stood for and fought for. i have no problem with this. the guy inspires me. however something happens to people during this type of thing. somehow it turns into a black pride day. somehow if you're black you feel real good about yourself, almost (dare i say it) superior in some way?

i have no problem with feeling good about yourself either, but this type of thing seems to reinforce the walls that were built that martin luther king jr. fought so hard against. after all they only exist in our minds anyway. on a campus like ours they are almost non-existent every other day, except today. i find that a little ironic. on the day we are supposed to be celebrating a man that fought against this type of thing, the differences between white people and black people are pronounced. walking across campus directly after chapel i noticed (more than on other days) groups of black people walking together with not one white person in their midst. i'm disgusted.

p.s. go ahead and judge me. but beware, there might just be some of your own fingers pointing back at you.

p.p.s. maybe i'm wrong. maybe this stuff really does exists and we just supress it. maybe days like today just act like a trigger for the stuff beneath the surface. i don't know. i suppose i could be wrong (oh no! i'm not a bigot anymore).

a tune that only caged birds know.

... plus jacob...

new and old

new quarter, new possibilities, same old problem.

it would be nice to not have to worry about money. whenever i bring this up, the simple answer  comes to mind, "then don't." but it seems that's a hard thing for me to do.

no one puts a new patch on an old garment. then the patch would shrink and rip away from the old, already shrunken garment. i wonder if people would put an old patch on a new shirt. why would they need to? if you had a new shirt, why would it need a patch?

can i solve my problem? or should i just dismiss it and hope it solves itself? or can i put it off and deal with it later on down the road?

should i do as much as i can right now and believe that by the time the next financial obstacle becomes eminent something will come up? what do i do here? there must be a solution. 

i bet there are tons of people, students and adults alike, who must understand this situation. in a way, that's encouraging. i feel like i'm more human. sharing in life's experiences.