homemade! is the bestmade!

this one i made for a cool background on my laptop. JACOb!!

this is my dream car.

someone made this for me.

this is my alter ego/superhero motto: save the world... fitting

look at the stars!

two men looked through prison bars;

one saw mud, the other saw stars.

"not all who wander are lost"

here are some portions of my journaling and a few choice pictures. it ended up longer than is most pleasant so, feel free to read some and skip the rest. whatevs

5-9-08 dinner time:
today started off confusing, the map showed only one trail for at least three miles, and i came upon 2 forks in the trail within the first mile! needless to say, i got lost. i found out later why. the map i have, the only one i could find is from 1980! that's before i was even born! i can't believe they sold that thing to me for $9.00!
another reason i got lost today was snow. which is ironic because at the trailhead there was virtually no snow. i smirked to myself thinking about how wrong the naysaying forest service people had been. they were saying i would need crampons, ice axe, snowshoes. i was walking on snow probably 3-7ft deep at least 75% of the time. snow shoes? i don't even have goretex shoes!
...so my feet were wet and i didn't know which trail i was on, but it didn't matter much, it wasn't very cold and i knew i wanted to go east. i soon lost the trial because of the snow so i just traveled due east according to my gps. i figured it didn't matter if i didn't make it to my destination, all i needed was water and a dry spot to pitch my tent...
...soon i saw two things, ominous clouds from the south [blowing north-northeast] and what appeared to be red mountain (the only prominent mountain in the immediate vicinity) to the northeast
...and so began a race to see who could make it to the lake first, me or the weather. it was imperative that i win.
the clouds dissipated, but not before i found myself on the north face of the mountain i was on
...i quickly learned that the north face of anything was not where i wanted to be this time of year during this time of day, at this elevation. i was basically on the top of a giant ski hill without skis.
...my feet were sufficiently wet at the bottom of this adventure. as a matter of fact they are still wet at this moment.

5-10-08 - morning:
this morning brought an interesting discovery, my shoes, which i set outside to dry, did not dry, rather they froze solid into two frosty blocks. fortunately the sun has certain thawing qualities, but who knows how long that will take.
...it appears as though i came to this area at the right time of year, i keep seeing signs that say "no vehicles beyond this point" "motorized vehicles allowed here". apparently in the summer this area is very accessible and not very secluded, in the winter this place is frequented by snowmobiles, in early may, i almost guarantee i'm the only person for miles. ain't no vehicle making it to where i am.

i formed a new plan this morning, as soon as my rain fly is dry, i will pack up and head for coyote lake, about a mile east of here and for sure in the john muir wilderness. then, tomorrow i'll come back this direction, then on monday i'll head back toward the car. tuesday leave. this of course is tentative.

midday:
climbed to the top of some unnamed mountain
"i want to live above the world,
thought satan's darts at me are hurled,
for faith has caught the joyful sound,
the song of saints on higher ground!"

"i want to scale the utmost height,
and catch a gleam of glory bright.
but still i pray 'till heaven i've found,
Lord plant my feet on higher ground"

it's been said that trips like this one are not an escape from reality, but an escape to reality. i believe this to be true! THIS! this is real! the man made hustle and bustle of schedules, appointments, gas prices, hum drum routines, that stuff is fake. this is life! this is reality!

dinner time:
it hit me today, while traveling down the river just how awesome this trip really is! here i am wandering around in this practically winter wonderland without any deadlines besides sundown. despite my wet feet and sunburn i am having a spectacular time. i don't know if i could be having a better time anywhere else right now (except other wilderness areas) in the world.


5-11-08 - sunrise
as i sit here in my sleeping bag watching the sun rise, feeling it's warmth, listening to the river flow...the birds sing their individual tunes, watching a squirrel run accross the frozen snow, and just taking it all in, i'm struck with how grand this is. this life, this world. and yet a second thought hits me even harder. this, even this, is empty and meaningless without connecting it to it's creator. i realize in a real way that my heart yearns not just for the peaceful solitude of nature, but also the connection with my father and creator that it facilitates. somehow, surrounded by creation, that connection has potential to be stronger, fuller, more real than in other places.
my God is not the kind of god to create all this like a giant amusement park to keep us occupied, like a father that gives a child a pacifier because he knows they will enjoy it and stop crying. rather he wants to experience it with us, in connection with us. he wants to be there to discover our discoveries with us, to experience it all right by our side, like a father that takes his son fishing, or that dances with his daughter.
if i had walked out of here, gotten back in my car and driven away without this experience, i would have gained nothing. more than that, i would have left my father standing alone, like a person stood up by a careless date, with a twinge of pain that comes from missed opportunity, a certain emptiness that can only be filled by connection with his children.

"for what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world,
but loses his own soul?"

5-11-08 - sometime:
"in july or august," i thought, "it's too cold now." "too cold?" i responded, "that's something my sister would say!" so, i found a really good looking spot and made my decision, i needed to cross anyway, i would just swim across. so i took off everything i was wearing, stuffed it in my camelbak and chucked it across a narrow spot. suddenly i recalled not two hours earlier sitting next to this same river shivering while pumping water. now i stood in the buff about to jump into the waters that probably just melted yesterday! i stood there for probably twenty minutes arguing with myself, then, finally, i took the plunge! that could be the coldest water i've ever swam in. either that or that time in feb. or mar. at camp mivoden. it was cold. i jumped out the other side panting and gasping and immediately tried to warm myself. 5 minutes later i thought, "worth it!"

once i made it back to red lake area i discovered that one of my trusty walking sticks that i

picked up on friday doubles as a life saving device. who knew? i saw a summer outhouse and decided, for some reason, to take a closer look. upon looking closer i saw that the lower 1/3 of the makeshift bathroom was wrapped in a wire fencing material, and wedged between this and the outer wall was a marmot! "poor guy." i thought. i've gotten myself into some pretty sticky situations, but this one? how did he manage to get stuck in there? i was wondering how long he'd been dead when i could have sworn i saw him blink. sure enough, he blinked again, and closer inspection revealed that he was indeed breathing. i bent over, looked him square in the eye and said, "don't give up little buddy, you're gonna make it." using the bigger of my two sticks i began prying some of the nails off and pulling the fencing away, my little marmot friend watching all the while. soon enough i had made a way of escape for the little bugger, but for some reason or another, he wasn't taking it. i made like i was going to poke him a couple of times to prod him out, and he clicked at me threateningly, as if to say, "you touch me with that thing, and i'll scratch your sunburn!" so i backed away and he wriggled free. "that's the thanks i get?" i wondered, "i don't know if you realize this, but if i were starving and had a gun, you could have been my meal."
so maybe i saved his life, maybe i didn't. one thing's for sure either way, i damaged usfs property at red lake on may 11, 2008.
wandered westward toward the car about a mile and here i sit. very sunburned, and very tired. i hope i sleep well tonight.

5-12-08 9:58 a.m.:
i'm headed out now. my poor nose can't take it any more. i'm only four miles, as the crow flies, from my car, but it's all down hill from here (mostly). it shouldn't take long. i have mixed emotions about leaving, but i think i'm ready to go. one day early for the sake of a shower before we meet tomorrow. it's not over till the engine starts on the doob though. 4 more miles...
1:45 p.m.
i made it out alive! i guess i can dispose of that if-you-read-this-i'm-dead note.

"the one thing better than solitude,
the only thing better than solitude,

is society."

edward abbey

I'm going!

first of all, snails are gross. i accidentally stepped on one that was trekking across the sidewalk at mark's house, and the next morning there was another one, eating the remains. gross! i didn't stop him though. i just let nature do it's thing... it's nasty thing.

anyway, i finally heard opportunity knocking and i flung the door wide open! i'm going backpacking this weekend and i can barely stand waiting. they say that the average male thinks about sex like a large number of times a day, and if that's true, it's because of the culture/society he lives in. everywhere a person goes they are bombarded by provocative garbage. it's on people's bumbers, it's in the gas stations, it's in the mall, in book stores, it's on the billboards, it's even in some restaurants, it's everywhere!

as for me, the topic that consumes my thoughts at every idle moment (at least 60-70 times a day) is my trip to the wilderness this weekend. i can't stop thinking about it, planning for it, packing and re-packing. it's borderline obsession. i'm finding it incredibly difficult to live in the here and now. it's possible, it's just sometimes difficult.

my plan is to leave friday morning at some point (as early as possible), drive to the trailhead and start hiking in. i don't plan to come back out till monday night or tuesday morning early.

luckily for all my blog fans (thanks mom) i plan to keep a journal and post it on this very blog when i get back.

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

p.s. i'm planning to go into the inyo national forest and the sequoia national park. that could change though. and the picture was taken from abernathy peak in washington state(Northwest!!!) by me or sam gage.

Shin Splints

when i was in tonasket high school my sophomore year in high school, there was a skinny little girl in my class. i don't remember her name, i just remember she ran cross country and she was apparently pretty good. i also remember that when it was cross country season, she always had this mysterious tape on her lower legs. i never fully understood why...

the ball game

my sister, my brother and i went to a los angeles dodgers game on saturday night. it was quite the event.

we arrived a full two hours (or close to it) before the game started so we watched batting practice from the seats really close to the field! it was super cool... until we had to go to our real seats. then we wished we never sat in those seats. something about tasting something really good then having to settle for less really sucks (that's deep).

in short this is what happened:

-ate over 1000 calories of shelled peanuts in 45 min. (containing huge amounts of sodium[good for the heart])
-had a messy competition with my brother using the shells from our peanuts and our laps/shirts.
-stood up abruptly when a dodger hit a grand slam! spilling all the shells and whatnot onto the backs of the innocent folks in front of me. all in their hair and everything!
-paid eight full dollars for a bottle of water!
-watched an ambulance come on the field and take the umpire off after he'd been hit in the face with a fastball! amazing!
-left early after four almost completely uneventful innings. (seriously, there was like two hits total the entire time!)

yes, it was a lark. good bonding time with my sibs. most of that time is irreplaceable and invaluable. not to mention we went to a baseball game! that's gotta be in the top 20 things to do of all time! at least.

Once In a Lifetime

last night as i was laying in bed falling asleep, i thought it would be cool to wake up just barely before the sunrise and go jogging in that seldom experienced time they call twilight. i asked mark what time he thought the sun came up these days, seeing how every time i wake up these days the sun is already up and on its way across the sky, and he said probably around 6 or 6:10. so, i set my alarm for 6:00 am and tried my best to fall asleep.

falling asleep was one thing, but staying asleep was quite another. you see, at around nine or so last night i ate a brownie cake thing with rich chocolate icing and crumbled up peanut butter cups. it was super yummy! that little piece of junk kept me tossing and turning into the wee hours of the morning. i kept looking at my clock wondering if it was time to wake up yet. 2 am.... 4 am... finally i fell asleep, and the next thing i knew, the alarm clock went off. mysteriously, i was tired. i rolled over and looked out the window, it was super bright outside! "oh no!" i thought, the sun was already up. a second look made me notice that there were no shadows, meaning the day was still in the last few moments of twilight. i rolled over again thinking, "i missed it. i'll just wake up earlier tomorrow."

as i lay there, the birds were "composing" like there was no tomorrow! i mean they were chirping their little hearts out! i was amazed! what in the world could they possibly have to chirp about so much. as i listened i realized, the birdies have figured out this little secret that take us small lifetimes to figure out! there really IS no tomorrow! there's only RIGHT NOW! in that moment, i decided to wake up and go jogging anyway, because everything is a once in a lifetime experience!

as i began on this little bike path thing behind marks house, i headed out of the neighborhoods and out into the open desert called bakersfield. i noticed that the reason it was so bright and yet there were still no shadows was because a layer of dense clouds were hugging the horizon way off in the distance and effectively postponing the sunrise about 30 minutes (just for me?)!

the sun finally came up as i crested a little hill on the way back, so at the end of my mini route, i climbed up a little hill nearby, found a rock, and sat down and watched the sun rise all the way. it was exceptional! i sat there praying and thinking, and i realized that all kinds of life rely on that sun for life, and yet, the trees, the flowers, the birds, they all don't stress out trying to make the sun come up! they probably don't even worry or even think about it!

"look at the birds. they don't plant or harvest or store food in barns,
because your heavenly father feeds them.
and you are far more valuable to him than any birds!
can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
and if worry can't accomplish a little thing like that,
what's the use of worrying over bigger things?"
Luke 12:24-26

those little birdies don't stress out about life. they don't think, "man where am i going to get my next meal?" life just comes to them, they are sustained by God. in lots of ways, God wants my life to be like this, physically and spiritually. i just have to learn to let go! surrender! give up on trying to control my life.

"So don't worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.
Today's trouble is enough for today."
Matthew 6:34

in other words, live like there is no tomorrow! because there is no tomorrow! only right now! this is my new motto: everything is a once in a lifetime experience!

thanks for the reminder little birdies! and thanks for the truth Father.