is it good?

in the desert

i saw a creature, naked, bestial,

who, squatting upon the ground,

held his heart in his hands,

and ate of it.

i said: "is it good, friend?"

"it is bitter-- bitter," he answered;

"but i like it

because it is bitter,

and because it is my heart."

Stephen Crane

build me a home

home?

the only place i ever will belong

paradox

i have very little motivation to post anything anymore on this here blog... and yet i'm posting something right now. what a weird thing.

i also have no motivation to study for my finals. just wait till two hours before each on of 'em though. then i'll be motivated.

spring quarter

here i am. spring quarter is two weeks underway promising to be the best quarter of the year. i've noticed everyone seems to be generally in a good mood (most people..), and little flirty interactions are occurring on the left and the right.

i'm pretty excited. more often than not the sun wakes me up in the morning. this is a good thing provided i went to bed before midnight or so.

spring, here i come!

mind grenade

here's something that blows my mind.

there are actually, in existence, things in space so massive and with such gravitational force that the dimensions are nothing!

yep, that's right! an object so heavier than you can imagine that is so small it's not there.

i had to think about that for a minute or two.

if our planet, with everything on it was anywhere near this object, it would get sucked into this massive nothingness and condense everything we know and see into itself... a black hole.

in transit

the longer the travel the more rewarding the arrival...

this makes sense right?

if this is true, then that's the reason why i'm so freaking glad to be in pismo beach finally.

i left my house in walla walla on thursday at around two-thirty p.m. and i just arrived at my destination (the beautiful yeos') about two hours ago at twelve-ish on saturday night. 

fortunately i saw some pretty cool stuff along the way. i.e. my brother, amy naus, bobby koorenny.

anyway, i'm finally here and it feels really incredible on many levels.

p.s. this is gonna be great.

a mind

i sometimes tire of the surface level of me. it gets boring and old. the problem is that the surface side is the most positive side sometimes. underneath....

underneath there lies a deep dark boiling something (the words deep and dark don't exactly describe this but they're the best i could come up with). it scares me sometimes, and i feel like i can only keep it down for so long. sometimes it sneaks to the surface where i quickly bury it and throw some silliness on the surface. i'm confused by the way it feels sometimes. feels like anxiety sometimes. that tightening of the chest and the panicky feeling deep down. it feels like passion other times. what's the difference?

i'll call it my soul. it's searching for expression and i won't allow it. i'm afraid of it. i wish i knew a way to express it. to let it go. unbridle it. how?

at times i have opportunity, it's not ready, it won't. 

i'm out of sync with my soul.