decisions

this morning i opened the refrigerator to retrieve some milk and my eyes were drawn to the bottom shelf. there, sitting securely close to the edge of the shelf was an open, uncovered, half-used can of coconut milk. i leaned over to grab my milk and casually peered in to check the contents of this unfortunately familiar sight. "hmm. someone must have put that in the fridge." i thought as my mind flashed back to the life-story of this little can.

i recalled just a number of days ago that very same can being opened and its contents being used to make a delicious curry.

my mind flashed forward to the following day when i was finally getting around to cleaning up after the curry and once again cautiously peering into the can as if i had no idea what i would find. i picked up the can to wipe underneath it and drew it to my face to take a whiff. "well, what is coconut milk even supposed to smell like?" i asked. placing the can back on the counter, i wasn't confident enough in its unspoiled-ness to invest the necessary effort (getting a different container out, putting it in, finding a lid, et cetera) to preserve it for later use. and at the same time i wasn't confident enough in its spoiled-ness to risk the remorse of throwing away a half a can of potentially useful food. so i finished the dishes, cleaned the counter tops, and went my way, leaving the can to determine its own fate.

as my hand grasped the milk, my mind flashed back to the present moment. the can had somehow found itself a way into the fridge to delay its fate. the contents of the can looked a little... weird. "well, what is coconut milk even supposed to look like?" i asked. suddenly i recognized the feeling i was feeling. once again i lacked the confidence to put out the effort to contain it properly, but also lacked the confidence to condemn it to the trash.

i shut the fridge door and ate my cereal and left the can to its fate, whatever that might turn out to be... for which i claim no responsibility.

i'm gonna do homework now.

there once was a tree. it was a really big tree. a virtual squirrel playground.

next to that tree, there was another tree. equally as big, and equally as awesome.

it must be nice to be a squirrel.

what does frustration sound like?

how can a person orient their lives by one or the other? emotion and logic are so opposed sometimes.

we live our lives gathering what feels good to believe in, and we cling to that. whatever we can believe in that gives us hope or some other kind of good feeling - give us that, please. what's that? no, no. don't give us logic. we don't like that. logic challenges our cherished beliefs that give us our cherished feelings. no, thank you. we'd rather believe a lie than know the truth, as long as it makes us feel good. feeling good is what matters. we don't want the truth - not if it challenges our beliefs.

sunlight causes shadows, jon

when i get sick, i tend to get negative and all i can see is the darker side of things. all I can see is the silvery oily death-potion floating on top of the rain river that’s flowing down the streets seeking the nearest access to the once untainted earth.

today i am sick. i am sick and i see the shadows.

it seems like a bummer that i am limited by time and space. i once heard a story of a woman who wept when she saw the beauty contained in the pure deep blue of a sulfur pool in yellowstone national park for the first time.

“why are you crying?”

“i’m weeping because i’m thirty-eight years old and i’ve only just now seen this.”

“well you’re here now. what’s there to cry about?”

“because i’m thirty-eight and i can only imagine all the other beautiful things i’ve missed out on and will never get to see.”

earlier today we turned on a whim... then i thought, "we probably should have just gone straight." then i said, "i guess we'll just take rose, huh?"

you know what my favorite question in the world is?

answer: "why?"

you know what my second favorite question in the world is?

answer: "why not?"

you know what my third favorite question in the world is?

answer: "what if?"